I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
