sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
