at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
