Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Buhtt sex?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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