he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
