Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
