Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
