absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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