Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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