I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
