He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
