When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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