Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
