So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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