Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
