listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
