Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
