It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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