Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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