just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
