hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
