hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
What do you mean you havenāt had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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