Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
