6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
