omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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