he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
