The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
