note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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