Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
