She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
