I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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