I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
