I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
