Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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