I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
