I think im going to throw up on grandma
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
