goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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