I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
