theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
