So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
