mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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