so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
