It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
