Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
