Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
