Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
