i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
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