she looked like the before picture.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
