duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
