New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
