I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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